I so can relate to the attached article and wish more people like this were standing behind me at check out. I often find myself in public situations frustrated, frazzled, and exhausted. And to be honest I do try to avoid it if I can, but some days you just hit the store hoping and praying for the best. Yes, that's my son running up and down the front of Meijer's high pitched screaming, while we wait for daddy to finish checking out. And yes, I heard you gasp and I saw you jump as if startled, even though he'd been doing it for a minute already, all the while mumbling to the cashier, mean while that cashier is looking at me with a look of pity look on her face. However, as I attempt to stop him or contain him it only makes things worse, so we keep going and I try to find something to draw him further out the door. While I understand all moms have been in line while a child is being less than perfect and it's all you can do not to leave it all behind and head for the car. Something changes though when your child is diagnosed with Autism, suddenly you feel even more insecure about your child's behavior, suddenly you start to notice more stares, suddenly you become more aware of it than before. Pre-Diagnosis, I honestly didn't pay much attention to our surroundings, Jack was wild and some how I thought it was normal, he's two and a half after all. Jack's lack of impulse control is a constant battle everywhere we go, and we do our best to keep him under control. What always seems to work best is our phones, Jack loves his "shows"! However, even with that, we have a very specific amount of time before nothing works, and a melt down is imminent. So yes, we let him run, Jack is a runner and he loves to run fast and shriek with joy. I think for the first time, even my husband has become more aware of the stares and under the breath comments. Recently we entered a department store, and hence began the running. Jeff did his best, but eventually it was to much and back to the car they went, as I rushed to finish, but not before several "get your kid in check" glares. No, it was not our intention to bring our child to the store and let him run around like a caged animal recently released into the wild, but sometimes it happens. Strollers are no longer part of our vocabulary, I mean sure there is one in the trunk, but he's not much of a fan and it only irritates him more being strapped down, unless of course you are running, then it's cool. I think in the end, I mostly find myself having more compassion for other parents whose kids just don't exemplify perfect behavior, just like the mom in the article. No mother wants they're kid screaming or making a scene in public, but with so many people out there judging and staring, it's hard not to feel even more frazzled than normal. A lot of the time Jack is happy and talking, and ya he's trying to remove everything off the check out counter so he can throw it, or lick it and maybe he is a bit louder than I'd like, but if the only way I can get your compassion or understanding is by wearing a "I love a child with Autism" t-shirt, well ya know what, I don't really give a shit what you think. I'm a mom, my child has autism, and what you don't get, is he is being really good right now, but by the look on your face we've ruined your grocery shopping experience, I'm so super sorry! Now if only I could find that damn sarcasm font!
Hugs from a fellow warrior
Em
https://www.autismspeaks.org/blog/2014/03/26/dear-mama-ahead-me-line
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