We all have those days, we even have one of those days followed by one of those nights! When your toddler is pulling at all the frustration strings, pushing every button, even the ones you didn't know you had. Me personally, I call it an autistic day. Jack has a ton of what I call normal toddler days with normal toddler emotions. But then there are the autistic days, where his emotions run extra high and extra low, where he loses control and nothing will distract him from said current mood. As a parent who is desperately trying to understand this little person, and what him makes him tick, what triggers him (everything & anything is in the list so far) it's difficult at times to not let my own emotions get the best of me, especially on the really bad days. Yelling at Jack literally doesn't phase him...ever. He will even, for one second, stop and stare at me like "what the hell is wrong with you?" And then continue on with his "freak out." And yet here I am, yelling at him, followed by crying because I knew my reaction was wrong. I knew it wouldn't phase him and I feel that because he processes everything so differently than your average two year old, I should not yell at him because at the end of the day he can't control these emotions and behaviors. And I by no means think that I am not experiencing the terrible twos that every mother has experienced, don't misunderstand, autistic or not, every child and parent goes through this phase. Really my main point is the frustration on my part, my anger and how I handle Jack when these angers and frustrations arise. I need to try and remember to take a step out of the situation, take at least one deep breath, and start again, to help my son recover from the current episode. Because whatever I am feeling right now he is feeling 100 times more. And honestly, sometimes I feel like my frustrations are more likely triggered when these episodes come on and it's interfering with something I want to be doing, selfishly, "your emotional melt down Jack, is interrupting momma's time, dammit!" It's these moments I really need to check myself, it's not always just Jack that triggers me, it's me triggering myself, taking it to the next level because his moment is interrupting me. So in the end, sometimes, we as parents need to check ourselves...why am I yelling at my child, why am I really losing my cool? Maybe just maybe it isn't the meltdown it self that is causing our own frustration or anger, it's the emotion behind the frustration that needs be put aside, so that we handle the situation better. This meltdown, this episode, this tantrum has nothing to do with you or your current desire to be enjoying yourself at a family gathering or unloading the dishwasher, whatever it is that you would rather be doing, this meltdown has to do with your child experiencing a frustration that he can't handle. It's easier said then done, I know, trust me, I know, but I am taking one episode at a time. As we work our way through this, I look forward to therapy, therapy to give Jack and Jack's momma ways to handle life's frustrating moments, because when that Thomas train falls off the track and all hell breaks loose, we both need to learn how to keep our cool!
Hugs from a fellow warrior,
Em
Xoxo
Emily,
ReplyDeleteI have been following your new blog, and before that keeping up with Jack's world via updates from Grandpa (your Dad). I just wanted you to know how much I admire your strength and courage in this period of your life. I wouldn't dare say I understand what you're going thru--rather, I KNOW what you're facing, but I don't UNDERSTAND what's it's actually like. Through my schooling I have learned how to diagnose things that are now part of your world, and I know how to provide therapy (some behavioral, mostly emotional) to a family in your situation; however, as a mother, I've never had the responsibility of caring for a child with unique needs. Your positive outlook is going to make all the difference in the days to come. Always remember that you are the number one advocate for your son. He may not always communicate what he wants or needs in ways that others can understand. But you are the "Momma Bear", and your heart will always know what's right. I just wanted to give you that piece of unsolicited advice. If you ever feel something is not right (as far as treatment, therapy, etc.), do not hesitate to question it. I'm not a licensed professional yet, but please don't hesitate to contact me if there's ever anything I can do to help. Remember to take that time for yourself, as caregivers are like superheroes and need to re-charge every once in a while. Autism support groups are a phenomenal resource for an outlet to anything you may be feeling: frustration or success. They can also be instrumental in meeting others who walk a similar road, asking questions, and getting access to resources for the best professional care. You've probably heard all of this already, so I'll stop rambling now. I hope to meet this awesome little guy some time! And again, please let me know if I can ever help. I'm more knowledgeable in the emotional therapy realm, support groups, ASD diagnoses, etc. but I have some amazing professors and can find any resource you may be looking for (or at least try my hardest to do so!). I know Oakland University is a ways from you, but they've got some amazing Autism programs and resources available that I'm familiar with (and I know this isn't all that's happening in Jack's life, but this is just the part that I have knowledge of).
Praying the new year brings all that you are hoping for.
Love,
Megan (and little man Hunter)